Yesterday, when I was driving back from the airport, I heard an interview on CBC radio 1′s show, Q, with Jian Gomeshi. It was with Meredith Baxter, the actress who played the mother Elise Keaton in Family Ties. It featured her life long struggles with not feeling loved.
It spoke to me and encouraged me in so many ways.
For whatever reason, I too have difficulty seeing myself as worthy of love. I keep becoming complicit in bad relationships and alternating between running away from intimacy and seeking inappropriate intimacy. And I’ve struggled with the pain of my sexuality (straight though it be, I’ve always been afraid of hurting someone or being hurt; and I’ve not found a way to comfortably express and share my sexual nature, despite having been married. I guess it is the pain in my sexuality that makes the silliness of “I’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body” so hilarious to my own mind.)
A note on homosexuality: Those of us who self identify as Evangelical are often very condemning of homosexual expression and very silent about the financial type sins that are so much a part of our current economic system. The issue of accepting homosexual sexual activity as a blessed human endeavour is one of Biblical authority. Left to my own devices I would completely accept homosexual expression. But what then would I do with Biblical texts that indicate otherwise?
Unless I’m prepared to put my own culturally derived understanding above the text of scripture, I cannot ‘bless’ homosexual activity when Scripture does not. My reluctance to endorse homosexual activity comes from a reluctance to put myself in the place of God’s Spirit.
“If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone…”
So my fellow sinners, who do ‘bless’ homosexual activity, please do not condemn. I am not a homophobe. I simply cannot put myself in the place of God.
And so my fellow sinners, who also self-identify as Evangelical, when you uphold the authority of scripture, do not condemn those who identify themselves as homosexuals . We are all sinners and none of us is beyond God’s grace. There is nothing we can do that puts those who are in Christ Jesus beyond the love of God, whether we struggle with same sex or opposite sex attraction, as we all daily participate in usery, the use of ‘unjust scales’ (aka certain trade agreements and practices) and in witholding the wages of the employee.